He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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