Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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