I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
