i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
