I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
