Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
