i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
