I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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