I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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