that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
