Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
