Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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