Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
