Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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