Non-Jews are for practice
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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