At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
