Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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