im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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