i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
