im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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