Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
