My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize
