Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
