i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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