Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
