just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
