What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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