Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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