Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I have feelings that need drinking.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
They are going to name an STD after you.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
