it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
