She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
