the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
