just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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