Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
