Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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