I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
