weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
