forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
