why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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