Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
