i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
