our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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