i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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