im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
