"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
