Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
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