if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
