sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
