Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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