and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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