so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
