Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
